


Would you Save My Soul Tonight

by ashtraythief



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Space, Alternate Universe - War, Angst, Goodbye Sex, M/M, Schmoop, alternate endings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2015-10-01
Packaged: 2018-04-24 01:15:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4899916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashtraythief/pseuds/ashtraythief
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared has to go back to the war. Saying goodbye to Jensen is the hardest part.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [this prompt](http://spn-masquerade.livejournal.com/6017.html?thread=1877121#t1877121) at spn_masquerade . The OP had me at intergalactical war. Title taken from Enrique Iglesias's Hero, because I’m sappy as fuck. This turned out rather on the sad side. Sorry in advance.  
> Many thanks to lotrspnfangirl and theatregirl7299 for the quick beta. All remaining mistakes are my own.
> 
> Edited to add an alternate ending. Chapter 2 now contains the original epilogue and chapter three is the new alternate ending.

The bag looks so small on their giant bed. Just one small, black duffle bag. Filled with a change of clothes, toiletries, and a tablet. That’s it. His papers and music player are already stored in his coat's pockets and the holograph medallion with Jensen’s picture hangs securely around his neck. It’s against regulations to wear jewelry in combat situations, but since the Intergalactic Space Force came knocking on his door, asking him to come back, they can kiss his ass with their stupid regulation.

 

“All packed?” Jensen’s voice pulls Jared out of his dark thoughts.

 

“Wasn’t much to pack.” He turns around to look at Jensen standing in the doorway. Jensen is wearing the soft grey sweater Danni gave him for his last birthday, his hair is mussed up like it always is when he runs his hand through it, and there’s a red stain on his dark pant leg. He looks tired, ready to go to bed, and Jared wishes he could do just that. Just crawl into their bed and stay there forever.

 

“You don’t have much time,” Jensen says.

 

Jared looks at his watch. “I have fifty minutes until Gen and Chad pick me up.”

 

Their team had retired over three years ago. What was left of their team anyway. They were discharged with medals and honors and a sealed service record. After fighting their way across the universe for twenty years, they were told they were done. They had made enough sacrifices.

 

Gen had gone home to her parents’ farm, the one she’d been so desperate to escape in the first place. But after all the noise — the explosions and the screams, the sounds of gunfire and the constant hum of static in their ear pieces — she’d craved nature’s silence.

 

Chad had taken a shuttle straight to the next party planet. Jared got messages occasionally; pictures of smiling women, full glasses, empty glasses, and more women. Chad never sent pictures of himself, but then, he hadn’t been able to look into a mirror for a long time.

 

And Jared, well, Jared had gone back to the big military hospital where two years earlier, a war worn doctor had given him biometric implants in his left arm.

 

When he’d seen him for the first time, delirious from blood loss and half out of his mind with the pain, the man in the white lab coat and the startling green eyes had appeared at Jared’s side like an angel from the Old Earth Stories. When Jared had woken up after a ten hour surgery and could move his fingers despite firmly believing he’d lose function in his right hand forever, if not the hand itself, and realized Doctor Ackles still looked too beautiful to be real, radiating pure goodness, Jared had known that man would be his salvation.

 

They say, out in the Void, things happen to a person. It changes you. The grueling emptiness of space, only left to fight, to kill and destroy, it drove more than one soldier insane. It doesn’t matter how often mission control tells you you’re saving a village, a ship, a planet, the universe; that’s not what you see. You only see the blood it takes to get there.

 

By the time Jared had ended up on Jensen Ackles’ operating table, he’d already thought the Void had taken all emotions from him. Turned out he’d been wrong.

 

So Jared had flirted with Doctor Ackles every way he knew. But the good doctor, despite clearly being affected, had told him he would never date a patient, and certainly not someone who was likely to be shipped out on the next secret mission at a moment’s notice. Jared had understood. It hadn’t dejected him, hadn’t made him despair. For the first time in many years, it had given him something to look forward to.

 

Jared had gone looking for Jensen as soon as he’d left the service, had held up his discharge papers right in front of his face and asked him out. And the rest, as they say, is history. Jared’s still not sure why Jensen said yes, why he let Jared and his nightmares into his bed, why he believed Jared when he told Jensen that there were still feelings left under all the hardness he’d wrapped himself up in. But Jensen had just nodded. He’d been patient, had woken Jared from the nightmares, had called him out every time Jared had shut down, and had loved him all the while.

 

Jared hadn’t healed, per se, but he’d gotten better. Jensen had made his life better.

 

Except now the Forces had come calling again. The situation in the Kansarian System had escalated; no one knew these planets like Jared and his team. If they wouldn’t accept the mission, millions of people would die. It doesn’t matter that it’s once again a suicide mission with unbeatable odds, that they barely made it out the last time, that at some point their luck has to run out. They took an oath.

 

Jensen had gripped his hand painfully tight and told him to go.

 

“If you had known, you’d never would’ve gone out with me, right?” Jared asks.

 

Jensen shakes his head. “You came back for me after two years. Trust me, I would have gone out with you anyway.”

 

Jared draws a breath. “Jensen, I promise you—”

 

With two quick steps, Jensen crosses the room. “Don’t. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

 

“I was about to say,” Jared says slowly, “I promise to do everything in my power to come back to you. And if I don’t, you’ll be the last thing on my mind.”

 

Jensen swallows harshly, then nods. “I can live with that.”

 

Jared reaches out to touch him, trail his hands down Jensen’s cheek, follow the slope of his lips. “This is what I’ll see the whole time. What will keep me sane.”

 

Jensen makes a broken sound. “You said fifty minutes? Let’s make them count.”

 

They’re out of their clothes and on the bed in record time. It’s so tempting to just bury himself in Jensen, but he needs to take his time. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever have this again, see Jensen again, touch him again. If Jared dies somewhere in a Kansarian desert, he wants to remember every freckle on Jensen’s body.

 

With a deep kiss, Jared pushes Jensen back into the pillows. He trails his mouth over Jensen’s cheek to his jaw, tastes the beginning stubble with his tongue, and then, just for a moment, buries his face in the crook of Jensen’s neck and inhales his scent.

 

Jensen always smells like disinfectant, can never shake the proof of his profession, and Jared has come to love it. But there’s also that smell that’s unique to Jensen, warm, with a hint of spice, comfort and home wrapped up in something that Jared can’t name.

 

Jensen’s hands card through Jared’s hair, longer than military regulations allow, but he’ll be damned if he cuts it. Jensen loves his hair.

 

Even though Jared can feel Jensen’s hard dick rubbing against his abs, Jensen doesn’t move. Doesn’t demand Jared move, because he knows Jared needs this. This one moment, where he can close his eyes and pretend nothing will change. But there’s so much more he wants to do, needs to do, so Jared draws back, puts his mouth on Jensen’s skin and maps out all the places that make Jensen shudder and moan.

 

Like so many times before, Jared follows Jensen’s freckles like a treasure map; up his neck, all the way to his sensitive earlobe, then to that little constellation right behind Jensen’s ear, so much lighter than the rest because the sun never reaches there. Down again to Jensen’s shoulder, the winding line of darker spots across his collarbone, the waterfall of oval freckles running down his arm until they get too numerous to count below his elbow.

 

Jared presses a kiss to the palm of Jensen’s hand, grips his wrist and revels in the feel of his hammering pulse. He turns his head into Jensen’s chest, kisses the smattering of freckles just below his rib cage, follows a dotted half moon slope until he reaches his belly button.

 

Jensen’s fingers flex in Jared’s hair; he’s ticklish here. Carefully, Jared bites into the soft skin of Jensen’s belly. His work leaves Jensen lean, not built like Jared, and Jared loves it.

 

The trail of light hairs leading down from Jensen’s belly button is interspersed with freckles and Jared drags his nose through it, sucks a hickey over Jensen’s pubic bone. From there it’s only a small move until he’s got his mouth on Jensen’s dick, where, just under the crown, is Jared’s favorite three freckle constellation. He’s never told Jensen what pattern he follows.

 

Slowly, he runs his tongue up the underside of Jensen’s dick, listens for his sharp intake of breath and the soft whoosh when he lets it out again. He takes Jensen into his mouth, slow and deep, waits until Jensen’s breathing turns ragged before speeding up. Jensen’s hips started moving somewhere along the way, tiny, involuntary jerks that Jared loves to feel. When Jensen is outright moaning, Jared pulls off his dick and moves lower, noses past his balls, spreads his legs until he can get his mouth on Jensen’s opening.

 

“Jared.” It comes out on a punched out breath and it makes Jared’s dick twitch.

 

He flips Jensen around, drags his hands down the beautiful curve of Jensen’s spine, nails leaving red welts between golden dots before he buries his face in Jensen’s ass and licks him open. It’s messy and wet, and by the time Jared is done, Jensen is letting out a string of obscenities. Jared reaches for the lube. He slides his fingers into Jensen, has to close his eyes at the tight heat, and holds back the urge to just bury himself in Jensen. He wants to see his face.

 

“Turn over.”

 

Jensen goes willingly, but instead of lying back, he pushes Jared down on the bed and crawls into his lap. Almost reverently, Jensen trails his hands up Jared’s chest, and leans in to press a kiss to the star shaped scar a grenade left on Jared’s left pec.

 

Then Jensen slides down on Jared’s dick and Jared has to fight the urge to just take Jensen. Jensen rewards him with a deep, filthy kiss, before he starts moving. Jared’s hands instinctively go to his hips, helping him move. It’s slow and deep, Jensen taking him all the way in. They kiss and touch, nose to nose and mouth to mouth, until there’s no space left between them.

 

Jensen comes when Jared bites his neck, and Jared follows with Jensen tensing around him, fingers digging into his shoulders to hold on. Jared licks across the mark he left and wonders if he’ll come back to leave a new one or if he’ll be dead before it fades.

 

They don’t talk after. In silence, they get cleaned up and dressed.

 

Jensen walks him out of their apartment, through the clinic’s complex. There are a few people Jared made friends with, but he doesn’t want to say goodbye to any of them.

 

When they reach the gate, Jared turns to Jensen. “I’m sorry.”

 

There’s so much more than two words he wants to say, but he knows Jensen won’t appreciate it.

 

Jensen takes his hand. “I always knew they’d come back for you.”

 

“How?”

 

“I read your medical file. Saw the injuries you sustained. I can tell, you know, how you got them.” Jensen traces a hand over the underside of Jared’s forearm, along the white netting of scars. “These are from shielding.” He steps closer, reaches around Jared and trails his hands over Jared’s back. “So are these. Up here, between the shoulder blades, it’s the worst. They get shallower at the edges. Your back was hunched when you got those. You weren’t shielding just your front. You were shielding someone else.”

 

Jared nods. He’s never shared the stories. Not because the missions are top secret and he has to keep quiet, but because they don’t belong with Jensen. Jensen is his salvation. Jared wasn’t going to sully him with tales of blood and death.

 

“You risked yourself for others,” Jensen continues quietly, awe in his voice that Jared never heard before. “All the time. A few months after you were discharged, a company of ground troops were sent out here. Lots of mine wounds, lots of prosthetics. They couldn’t shut up about the group of special ops guys who had saved their lives.”

 

Jared raises his eyebrows. “You never told me that.”

 

Jensen gives him a self-deprecating smile. “It seemed like out of a fever dream. They told us about the tiny, badass spitfire, about the insane guy with the dyed hair and the inappropriate jokes, about the young decryption specialist and the red-haired computer geek. But most of the time, they talked about the leader; a guy built like a brick wall with the kindest smile. A guy who scared the enemies away by looking at them and pulled little kids out of burning buildings.” Jensen takes Jared’s hand, runs his thumb over his palm. “I didn’t believe everything I heard. Not at first, anyway.”

 

Jared kisses him. “It’s not all true.”

 

Jensen shakes his head. “I have to believe it’s all true. I have to believe that, otherwise I won’t believe you’ll come back to me.”

 

Jared kisses him again, and this time, he tastes salt. “You already saved me.”

 

They stay like that, chest to chest, mouth to mouth, hands intertwined, until the buzzer sounds. Jared takes one deep breath, feels Jensen’s pulse beat one more time, then he walks out of the gate.

 

Gen and Chad are waiting for him, small black duffels already stored in the glider. Gen is more tan than he remembers and Chad’s hair is his natural blond color, greyed at the temples. Their eyes are hard, but they relax when they see Jared. There’s only the three of them left. Osric and Felicia hadn’t made it. Jared reckons they’ll get someone assigned for tech support, bring up their numbers to the standard five again. He wonders how many of them will come back this time.

 

He looks back, once. Jensen is standing at the gate. He’s not waving. He’s not smiling. He’s just standing there, bathed in the diffuse afternoon light and Jared wonders how he could still be so beautiful.

 

“I’m glad you found him,” Gen says, shooting a long, assessing look at Jensen. “You deserved happiness.”

 

No one comments on her use of past time. Instead, Chad claps him on the shoulder and they get in the glider. Jared looks back, one more time. Jensen is still standing there and if Jared makes it home, he’ll stand there again, waiting for him. Jared is going to think of that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Since the prompt only called for farewell sex, consider this fill complete. However (and I’m really sorry OP) once I started, I couldn’t stop. If you want to imagine Jared and Jensen happily reunited, do not read the epilogue in chapter 2. In fact, ignore the epilogue. Only read the epilogue if you don’t mind the really sad stuff. Otherwise, skip straight ahead to Chapter three, which contains the alternate happy ending_


	2. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the original ending written on masquerade.
> 
> Warning for unhappy ending, i.e. major character death.
> 
> Since I made my friend Wendy so sad with it, I wrote her an alternate happy ending. If you'd rather read that, skip ahead to chapter three.

**Epilogue**

 

 

 

She introduces herself as General Rhodes. She holds her back straight with ease, years of military service under her belt. Her face is lined, but her eyes are sharp.

 

Jensen didn’t expect that. He knows the protocol. There are letters. Commanding officers when the deceased accomplished outstanding feats. Invitations to ceremonies if medals are being handed out. He’s never heard of anyone as high ranking as a General to come to make the call.

 

He knows what she’s going to say before she opens her mouth. Jensen is a doctor, he gave the speech hundreds of times before. _We’re so sorry for your loss. We did everything we could. He died in the service to the Federation. He died a hero's death. He will be missed. Our hearts go out to his family and friends._ Rehearsed phrases that all mean the same thing.

 

Except, General Rhodes says none of these things. Instead, she slides a tiny, silver data stick over to Jensen.

 

“If it gets out I gave you this, that I even made a copy, I’ll never see the sunlight again. But to quote Captain Padalecki, ‘they can kiss my ass’.” She gives him a sharp smile.

 

“What’s this?” Jensen asks, and he’s surprised that his voice is so steady. Shock, the clinical part of his mind analyses, he’s in shock.

 

“It’s the last five minutes of Captain Padalecki’s and Sergeant Murray’s communication. Everything that goes over comms is recorded.”

 

Jensen doesn’t take the stick. “Why are you giving me this?” He feels numb, removed from his body. There’s pain, choking, paralyzing pain wrecking him, but it’s like he’s standing next to himself, watching it happen.

 

Rhodes takes his hand, puts the stick into it. “They know we record everything. And before they went in, I gave Captain Padalecki a promise. Now I’m keeping it.”

 

Jensen closes his hand around the small stick, metal warmed from Rhodes’ touch. He doesn’t know if he can bear to listen to it.

 

Rhodes slides a card over the table, then she gets up. “If you ever need anything, call this number.”

 

He looks up at her blankly. “Why?”

 

“Because you were the only one who mattered to him. Helping you is the only thing I can do to repay his sacrifice.” She gives him a hard smile. “Don’t hesitate to call. It’s a hell of a lot we have to repay.”

 

Jensen keeps sitting on the bench, clutching the stick for a long time after she leaves. Dani finds him when the day is ending, and when she touches his shoulders, the tears finally come. He cries silently into her shoulder until there’s nothing left inside of him.

 

He doesn’t listen to the stick. Not for a long time.

 

He takes a few days off work. He doesn’t want to kill his patients because he can’t focus. He feels like a part of him is missing, leaving a giant hole behind and he knows, he’ll never get it back.

 

He knew the risk when he started dating Jared, but the moment Jared had come knocking on his door after his discharge, Jensen had known he couldn’t say no. He was still surprised he’d had the strength to send him away the first time.

 

From the first time he’d looked into Jared’s multicolored eyes, a tableau of colors as multifarious as the emotions expressed in them, he’d been captivated. He saw the scars, the darkness and the vulnerability in Jared’s eyes, but he also saw the strength, saw the traces of mischievous humor, the compassion for the fates of others. Jensen knows Jared thought all his emotions had been burned out by the war, but Jensen had seen them right from the start. He’d seen Jared’s big heart under all the anger and the sadness and he’d wanted nothing more than to protect that. He thought he’d succeeded, but he lost his own heart in the process.

 

Jensen goes back to work. Everybody around him walks on eggshells. Conversations drop when he enters a room, people make a point of bringing him coffee, of putting on expressions of friendliness on their faces when their eyes scream concern and pity. Everyone avoids mentioning Jared like the plague.

 

When he can’t take it anymore, he slams his lunch tray down in the cafeteria. “He’s dead.” It’s the first time he says it out loud. He almost chokes on the words. “Jared is dead. Stop pretending it didn’t happen. Stop pretending if you just smile enough, it’ll get better. It won’t. Just… stop with all the bullshit.”

 

There’s a shocked silence, then Jim gets up and walks over to him. Grips his shoulder. “I have a bottle of the good stuff in my kitchen cabinet. Whenever you’re ready, just come over and we’ll toast to him.”

 

Jensen doesn’t know if he ever will, but he appreciates the offer. After that, it gets better at work. Jensen doesn’t get better. He’s still hollow. Now that the grief’s receding, dulling back to a distant ache, a painful baseline accompanying the rhythm of his day, Jensen realizes that there’s nothing else left.

 

He focuses on work. He still feels a certain sense of accomplishment when he saves a life, repairs a limb, but it’s nothing compared to before. After all, he can patch up these soldiers all he wants, chances are they’ll still die. The war is still raging through the universe, destroying everywhere it reaches.

 

Then, it’s over. Just like that. The Intergalactic Forces fly a surprise offense on a tiny, inhospitable planet in the Kansarian system. The leaders of the Secession are caught or killed. Their main weapons storage is destroyed. Their communications network discovered. Their secrets laid bare. Resistance throughout the galaxy crumbles. Former allies and sympathizers scramble to get back on the good side of the Intergalactic Federation.

 

Jensen’s clinic is flooded with survivors. Most of them were roughly patched up during the fighting, now they’re sent out to him to made whole again. His team works tirelessly to repair limbs, and, if that’s impossible, to fashion new ones. The lawns of the rehab complex are filled with men and women learning to walk on prosthetic legs, to throw frisbees with biometric hands, to see with robotic eyes.

 

With the survivors come the stories.

 

There’s a surprising amount of consistency in the stories; spies had found the Secession base and then a team of special ops had taken out their shield. After that, it was easy pickings for the Federation.

 

Some said the base had been more or less destroyed when the first Federation vessels attacked, the big fight only for show. Others described a day long battle. There were stories about heroism, about loss and sacrifice and of course, the victory. There was the account of one of the Secession leaders spitting in the Colonel’s face when they overpowered him, others said he took his own life before they got to him.

 

But they all agreed, they couldn’t have done it if the shield hadn’t been down. The building that had housed the advanced technology that had helped the Secession troops defy the Federation for so long was nothing but a charred heap. The Colonel who’d led the attack had them put a flag up there, to honor those whose names no one knew.

 

After the fight, when the soldiers had celebrated, they had lit a bonfire there, and somebody even brought a trumpet to play Amazing Grace. Cadet Qualls shows Jensen the video.

 

Seeing the pictures of what Jensen presumes will forever be Jared’s grave is too much. He thought he was numb already, but he realizes the wounds only scabbed over. The pain is still there, lodged deep inside of him like a splinter, making his flesh fester under the surface.

 

He goes to take Jim up on his offer. They drink the whole bottle, but the pain doesn’t go away. Jensen is a doctor, he knows what he has to do. If there’s something inside you that’s poisoning you, you have to cut it out. But if he does, he doesn’t know if there will be anything left.

 

He gets the data stick out of his bedside drawer anyway.

 

There’s no visual, just an audio track. Jensen stares at the screen while his hand moves on autopilot to hit the play button.

 

There’s static, then something crashes. The crackling of flames. Rustling, a pained groan. A bitten out curse. Jensen recognizes Jared’s voice, and for a moment, everything stops. Then his heart beats at double the pace and Jensen grips the edge of his desk tight.

 

“Delta Three, come in.” Jared’s voice is tight, laced with pain. “Delta Three, what’s your status?” Static, more rumbling, shots fired in the distance, the discharge of a weapon right next to the microphone. “Fuck, Delta Three!”

 

A pained groan in a different voice.

 

“Fuck it,” Jared bites out. “Chad, what the fuck is going on?”

 

A man who has to be Chad chuckles breathlessly. “Commander is gonna have your head for that.”

 

Jared mutters something about there not being a head to have, then he speaks up. “Talk to me, man.”

 

“I’m done,” Chad says, and it sounds like he’s announcing the weather.

 

“Don’t say that.” Jared’s voice, tight.

 

Chad lets out a pained laugh. “I’m missing most of my left leg. Torqued it, but I lost too much blood. Already getting woozy.”

 

“Fuck.”

 

“Nah, man, s’all good,” Chad says, and it doesn’t sound like he’s lying. “We had a good run, but we always knew someday our luck would run out. Glad it’s this one.”

 

“Yeah.” Jared’s answer is hollow.

 

“I’m in the eastern quadrant,” Chad says, “utility corridor. Just bring me the detonator and get your ass out of here. You and Gen put the bomb in place, right?”

 

There’s a short break, then Jared lets out a harsh laugh. “About that…”

 

"What?”

 

“Gen’s dead. Took a bullet arming the bomb.” Jared’s voice cracks.

 

“Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Chad doesn’t sound much better.

 

Jared clears his throat. “The detonator is somewhere at the bottom of the trash container. We’ll have to trigger the bomb manually.”

 

Another silence. Then— “Okay, no way, man.” Chad actually sounds angry. “You’re not sacrificing your life.”

 

“Chad—”

 

“No! There’s gonna be another way to win this war.”

 

“And how many people will die until then?”

 

“Who gives a shit?” Chad yells. “Who gives a fucking shit? People die every day, either way. Doesn’t matter if there’s war or not. But you found peace, man. You got out. You gotta go back to Jensen.”

 

“I…” Jared lets out something that could be a sob or a laugh. “I want to. Fuck, you don’t know how fucking badly I just want to let all this shit go to hell. But I’m not gonna leave you, Chad. I’m not gonna let you guys die in vain. We already lost everything else. We’re not gonna lose this too.”

 

“Fuck.”

 

There’s another break in conversation and for a few seconds, Jensen can only hear two sets of labored breathing.

 

“Besides,” Jared says. “I have a hole in my stomach. Not sure how far I’d get.”

 

Chad lets out a hacking laugh. “It’s funny, you know. You know why?”

 

“Pretty sure you’re gonna tell me.”

 

“We were the heroes, man. Impossible missions, surviving the most unlikely shit, just like in the movies. Just, in the movies they never show what happens if it doesn’t work out. When that one time, you can’t beat the odds.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“You think they’re still gonna sing songs about us?” Chad muses.

 

“Definitely. All the girls you slept with will finally have something to brag about,” Jared says and Jensen can hear the smile in his voice. It tears him apart.

 

“Asshole,” Chad says, but he sounds fond. “What about Jensen?” he asks after a beat.

 

Jared makes a broken sound. “He’s strong. He’s got a purpose. He’ll be fine.”

 

“Yeah, definitely.” Chad doesn’t sound like he believes it, but he doesn’t call Jared on it. Chad, Jensen thinks absently, is a smart man.

 

“He’s got freckles on his eyelids,” Jared says, out of the blue.

 

Chad laughs. “Dude, I know. Was the first thing you told me after you met him. You’d had a fever dream about a gold dusted angel, like the statues we saw on Tiberia, only to wake up to find you weren’t dreaming at all. You’re such a sappy fuck.”

 

“I was drunk,” Jared says defensively but Jensen knows that tone. Jared doesn’t really mind.

 

“Drunk on love,” Chad croons, then he groans. “Fuck. It really fucking hurts. Tell me something, Jay.”

 

“What do you wanna hear?” Jared asks, and his voice is growing weaker. Tired. “You know all my stories.”

 

“So tell me a new one. Tell me one about happiness.”

 

There’s a pause, then Jared starts talking. “The day before they came to get me, Jensen and I made breakfast together. Scrambled eggs and toast. Jensen eats his toast with jam. The mother of a patient always sends it to him in gratitude. We have like fifty fucking jars of jam in the pantry. It’s ridiculous. He gives a lot of them away, but the whole hospital is fed up with jam by this point. Then Jensen went to work. He kissed me goodbye, on the cheek.”

 

Jensen can hear the wistful smile in Jared’s voice. He tries to remember that kiss, but he can’t. It had been such a small gesture, something routine, taken for granted. Jensen would give his left arm to go back in time to relieve that kiss so he could commit it to memory.

 

“I went to the rehab facility, trained with a few of the soldiers. When I got home, Jensen was already there. He hadn’t cooked, but he brought take out. We ate on the couch and watched a movie. I spilled some sauce onto the couch and Jensen rolled his eyes at me. We went to bed. We didn’t have sex, just some kissing. He fell asleep before I did.”

 

Chad sighs. “Sounds heavenly, man.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

More static, interrupted only by their ragged breathing.

 

“Do it,” Chad says.

 

“Remember what we swore. No regrets, man.”

 

“None?”

 

“I got more than I ever thought I would,” Jared says quietly.

 

“Alright,” Chad says, gulping in a deep breath, bracing himself. “Light it up, man. For Gen. For Charlie and Osric.”

 

“For Gen. For Charlie and Osric.” Jared swallows audibly. “For Jensen.” There’s a click and the soft whizzing from a holograph. “See you on the other side.”

 

The recording cuts off.

 

Unseeingly, Jensen stares at the computer screen. It takes a long time to form a conscious thought through the painful haze clouding his mind. At least, Jared hadn’t died alone.

 

At least, Jensen had given him something he could take with him. And if Jensen has nothing left, well, he’ll just have to go looking for it when he makes it to the other side.

 

 


	3. Alternate Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this alternate ending, because the story made Wendy sad and I could not have Wendy sad.  
> Unbeta'd.

When Jared returns, weary and tired, having buried another friend out on some fucking desert planet, he just wants Jensen. But Jensen isn't at the gate, isn't waiting for him.  
  
Jared's not surprised. The war ended days ago, and many injured soldiers were already shipped out to Jensen's clinic. So Jared gets his duffel out of the glider, helps Chad with his crutches and together, they walk towards the hospital.  
  
"The atmosphere is nice here," Chad says. "Think there are some hot nurses around?"  
  
Jared snorts. "You can try, but Dani will cut your dick off if you disrespect any of them."  
  
Chad grins. "Now, she sounds like a woman I should meet."  
  
The thought of Chad trying to hit on Dani is actually hilarious and Jared can't help but laugh. Chad shoots him a knowing look. Jared hasn't much laughed this time around, but now that he's back on the same planet as Jensen, it's like a weight has lifted off his chest.  
  
He drops Chad off at the front desk, makes sure the medical officer working there knows Chad is a good friend and deserves the best prosthetic specialist to give him a new leg, and then goes to find Jensen.  
  
On the way, he runs into Dani. She stops short when she sees him, then her face floods with relief and she pulls him down into a hug.  
  
"You couldn't have called?" she asks reproachfully into his shoulder. "If we'd known you come home today..."  
  
Jared kisses the top of her head. "I didn't know when they would let us go and then I just wanted to get on the transport and go home."  
  
She pulls back with a smile and nods. "Jensen's in the Regeneration Hall."  
  
"Thanks." Jared is already halfway down the corridor before he turns around again. "Oh, and Dani? I brought a friend back with me. He's gonna need a new leg, maybe you can talk him through the procedure? For me?"  
  
Dani nods and Jared thinks Chad owes him big time. If Dani doesn't kill him first.  
  
Then he continues through the maze of corridors, jogs through the giant courtyard and has to slow down from his run when he reaches the Regeneration Hall. He pushes the door open and looks around the big room, past the rows of beds with patients hooked up to the regenerative system. There are several doctors and nurses milling around and then, at the far end of the hall, talking to a yound woman, Jared sees Jensen.  
  
He walks into the room, taking in the exhausted slump of Jensen's shoulders, the dark rings under his eyes and wishes it would only be from working too much. But he knows Jensen was worried. Jared's heart clenches, painfully, filled with so much love for this amazing man and he crosses the rest of the room in a few long strides.  
  
Distantly, he notices the room has gone quiet save a few whispers, hears his name and Chad's and Gen's. He doesn't care about people recognizing him, he only cares about Jensen looking up in confusion, eyes flicking over the silent room, until they come to rest on Jared.  
  
The medic tab Jensen has been holding clatters noisily to the ground, but he doesn't even seem to notice. He stares at Jared, takes a step, then another, and then Jared is already there, drawing him into his arms.  
  
Jensen feels the same, smells the same, laughs the same. His lips press against Jared's in that wonderfully familiar way, a little dry, a little chapped and entirely perfect. But he holds Jared tighter than ever before, fingers digging into Jared's shoulders with a desperate edge.  
  
"I'm done," Jared says. "The war's over and whatever happens, I'm not going back."  
  
Impossibly, Jensen grips him tighter. "Good."

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr [here](http://ashtray-thief.tumblr.com/).


End file.
